Even before there is a word on my tongue, behold, O Lord, You know it all. (NASB)
I’ve started a bunch of blogs over the years. Each one required a name, and it had to be a name that wasn’t already taken. This evening, I was thinking about how God created me and He knows me intimately–better than my husband, better than my parents, better even than I know me. I was drawn to Psalm 139. It just seemed like the the right theme passage for this blog.
The words I think and speak and write sometimes seem to come unbidden from deep within me. They very often aren’t the words I knew I would be using even moments before. But You already knew. It boggles my mind. You know everything about me. You know where I’m coming from and where I’m going. You get me at a deeper level than anyone else ever possibly could.
And yet, You can feel so remote sometimes. So far removed from whatever it is I am going through. So … uncaring, even.
I know the good church-sign answer is that when You seem far away, You’re not the one who moved. I feel like there needs to be a better answer than that, though. I’m just not entirely sure what it is.
These past few months have been really hard. It seems like I spend most of my days feeling weary and simply dragging myself through because I have no other choice. I don’t feel strong and joyful the way I imagine real Christians are supposed to feel.
Today was better, though. I’m not sure exactly how or why. Just better.