I’ve had real trouble being nice to people the past several days. Nearly everything everyone did just seemed to annoy me. I had my own agenda and whatever else was happening, it was getting in my way. Lying down to bed one night, I realized I didn’t feel very loved and cared for. Instead, I was feeling empty and worn out and tired of doing stuff for other people when it didn’t seem like anyone was doing anything for me. Me, me, me. I was focused very much on me–even when I was trying to do stuff that was supposed to benefit someone else, it was all about how I was the one working so hard on it, being so creative about it, or generally how it was still all about me.
This selfless thing is really a kick in the butt.
It’s so easy for me to forget everything You’ve already done for me, everything You’re doing every day. When I get bogged down and focused only on what I’m doing, it’s like I just can’t see past myself to the blessings You shower on me–the love You are always showing me. Yet, even in these moments, when I’m complaining that my own little world is not as I want it to be, You still pour out Your love into me.
The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made. Psalm 145:8-9 (NIV)
Even more than just loving me, though, You pour Your power into me, giving me the strength to pour love and grace and compassion into the lives of others. You call each of Your kids to be gracious and compassionate. Yet You don’t simply make such a pronouncement and leave us to do Your bidding, You have compassion on us. You know we can’t do it on our own, so You provide the resources I don’t have so I can.
Thank You, God, for loving me. Thank You for giving Yourself to me, even when I am looking no further forward than myself. Thank You for walking with me, even when I wander off on the way I think is right, even when I wander down roads I know are wrong. You are still there for me. You are still loving me, showering me with grace, calling on me to show Your love to the people around me–even when I don’t know how to be loving on my own.
Please, help me to remember to move in Your power when I am weak. And help me to remember that “when I am weak” is really all the time.