People who know me in real life–but don’t know me well–might be surprised to learn that I really dislike confrontation. The thing is, when it’s something that doesn’t matter much to me, I’ll fight about it all day long. I can argue until I’m blue in the face about music or syntax or the movie we watched last night. And I’ll probably win–even if just because my opponent gives up. But the things that really matter to me, the things that stir my soul, these are the things I have trouble fighting for. I don’t like to fight when I might lose. So I get scared to make the effort when it really matters.
I have a little, but important fight in my life right now. I don’t want to do it. It makes me angry. If I lose, my life may have to change in some pretty significant ways. Because of that, I’m very tempted just not to fight. To “let it go” and sweep it under the rug. Only that’s not really letting go; that’s holding on and letting it build up and continue to fester until my anger eventually explodes out, hurting me and everyone else involved.
So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:17 & 29, NIV)
You know I am not Your most gracious and tactful servant. I choose my words poorly–or don’t choose them at all–when something important needs to be said. I’m scared to stand up for what is right today. I want to just go hide and say nothing is wrong. I want to pretend that’s being at peace with everyone, but I’d be lying. I don’t have the courage to do this on my own. Please, fill me with Your Spirit. Let the words that come out of my mouth be full of Your love and grace. Let me say things that are good and useful.
I don’t want to be afraid that I’ll do something wrong, God. I don’t want to be afraid, period. I want to be strong because You are with me. Thank You that You will give me everything I need today. Thank You that, even when I’m not feeling prepared, You are preparing the way. I believe these truths, Lord, please help me overcome my unbelief (Mark 9:24).