We had to call the police on our new neighbors the other night. We could hear them arguing and saw through an uncurtained window as one partner assaulted the other. I found out later, they’d gone out that evening to celebrate their one-year anniversary. I thought back to the early days of my own marriage. I wasted a lot of time worrying that DH might hurt me somehow or abandon me. I realized that I haven’t entertained such worries in years.
“Why?” I wondered to myself. “Why don’t I worry anymore about DH leaving me or using violence against me?” The answer came to me quickly: I don’t worry because DH is not that kind of man. I don’t worry because I know him and that’s not his character.
Almost immediately, I had a lightbulb moment. I spend a lot of time worrying about what God will do to me. How He might hurt me somehow or abandon me. And yet, it’s just as much (or more) a waste of my time to worry about those things. I don’t need to worry because I know God and that’s not His character.
“For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then My faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken,” says the Lord, who has mercy on you. (Isaiah 54:10, NLT)
So often I think the worst of You. Even after everything I’ve seen You do, after all the promises I know have come true. Still, I fall back into thinking it’s easier to trust in my fallible self than to let go and believe that Your mercy will never fail. It’s seems so much more plausible that You’ll tire of me, You’ll grow weary of my many poor choices and bad habits. But, instead of giving up on me, You love me. You think I’m worth saving, over and over again.
Thank You for choosing me, Lord, when I had no ability to choose You. Thank You for hanging on to me, when I’m afraid I can no longer hang on to You. Thank You for being You, even when I think You’re more like me.