A Single Step

I’ve been thinking about my future quite a bit recently, questioning whether I am who I wanted to be when I grew up. In many ways my life does not look the way I ever imagined it would. Years ago, DH and I sat down together for a series of discussions about where we wanted to raise our family. We agreed on the Pacific Northwest. Instead, we’ve lived in the Midwest for our entire marriage.

Moving from the Great Lakes to the Great Plains, I struggled to find my place. Even now, I want to live in a different home, a better neighborhood, someplace with a fenced-in yard and more than one family within walking distance that we truly call friends.

The thing is, God is with His people no matter where we are. He sometimes sends us to places we would never otherwise choose. Yet, through our journeys, He refines us, both for our own benefit and to bless those who surround us.

Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf; for in its welfare you will have welfare. (Jeremiah 29:7, NASB)

While my family isn’t in exile, we are living life here because this is where God has put us right now. I may wish to be somewhere else–especially when I wake up to several inches of snow on the ground or am calling in yet another noise disturbance for the people next door–but this is where I am. I need to be fully present here, working and praying for the people in our community. And as they are blessed, that will be a blessing to us as well.

I don’t know what the next step of our journey holds. God may keep me right where I am. Or He may send me to the Pacific Northwest (or Hawaii … Hawaii always sounds wonderful at the end of winter). Or maybe I’ll move somewhere else that never made it onto my list of places I’d like to go. The question is: Do I trust Him enough to take the next step down His path, wherever it leads?

Lord,

I do trust You. I know You are a good God and I am not. You love me and know what is best for me. Even though what I want is a good thing, I know You may have another, better plan for me. I can trust You to lead me. I choose to follow You, even though I don’t know yet where we are headed. You are with me and that is enough.

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Back and Forth

The end of the year is a traditional time to take a closer look at my life. I find myself considering this past year: my joys, my triumphs, my missteps, my sorrows. And I think about the coming year and what may lie ahead.

When looking ahead, I like to plan. I want to know where I’m headed and have a good set of directions from here to there. With my proverbial map and compass, I don’t simply hope I can make it, but I am confident in my ability to use my tools to navigate the path.

Is it just me or does life not work that way very often? Even when I may have an idea where I’m going, my map gets torn and I misplace my compass. Suddenly, I have no way to know whether I’m even on the right road or moving in the right direction. I start to run this way and that like a squirrel who can’t decide whether there is enough time to cross in front of an oncoming car.

Once again, I’ve discounted my lack of future knowledge. I can plan all I want and waste my time scurrying about when I’ve lost the tools I think I need.  Yet I’m no further ahead than I started out and I’m exhausted to boot. Not only have I lost my confidence, but I no longer have much hope that I’ll actually get wherever it is I need to be.

Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him. (Psalm 62:5. NIV)

So many times, I have put my hope in jobs or friendships or my own thoughts about what will be best for me and things haven’t worked out as I’d planned. I conveniently forget that I don’t really have the whole picture, that God’s ways are higher (and deeper and wider) than mine (Isaiah 55:8-9).

God rarely promises a particular outcome to our life circumstances. He has never asked me to trust that any situation will turn out the way I’ve prayed it will. Instead, He asks me to trust in Him. To believe that He knows what is best for me–even better than I do. To rest in Him and allow His hope to fill me because He is everything I need.

Man, that’s hard!

Lord God,

Thank You for having such great patience with me. You ask me for one simple thing, yet I try everything I can to get out of giving it to You. I want to be the one to make my own plans, to rely on myself. I refuse the comfort that comes from just letting go and allowing You to hold me.

Rather than accepting Your rest, I wear myself out trying harder and harder to do what only You can do: give me a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).

Please forgive me for trusting in myself rather than You. For settling in on Your throne in my heart and asking You to make Yourself comfortable on the footrest. Thanks for continuing to offer me rest and peace, even when I’m not really sure I believe You.